I am….I am a mixture of things, so much so that it is often hard for me to share who I am.
I am a psychiatrist but that is what I do, not who I am. I love what I do, most of the time (reports are still the bane of my existence), and I feel honoured that I am able to serve those who serve our country – the men and women of the Canadian Forces. I love to teach and I love to learn and working with others gives me that opportunity. Next year it will be 30 years since I graduated from medical school and I’m not always certain how that can be; I still feel like a young doc who has much to learn but maybe that is a good thing.
I am a Christian. Although I grew up in a Jewish home I became a Christian at the age of 25. This has been the most important decision in my life as it has led to profound changes in who I am as a person. I am not the same person as I was a 25 and as a psychiatrist I can’t tell you how that happened all I know is it did. I believe that God has worked in my life to bring about those changes which has resulted in a wiser, more loving and more compassionate woman. I am still very much a diamond in the rough with facets of who I was but God continues to polish me; I am grateful for how committed he is to me, how great His love is, that He continues to work even though I stumble so often.
I am a wife to Ron. He has been the love of my life for over 21 years now. Sometimes we squabble, more often we don’t; we have been through good times and we have been through hard times; but each joy, each sorrow draws us closer. Ron is also a Christian and I am sure that our commitment to Him and our commitment to each other is why we are still together; it is what binds us.
I am also a mother; a step-mother really. My girls lost their mom when they were 5 and 8. She is still very much a part of their lives and I know they love her and miss her. As a woman who loves her husband, as a woman who loves her girls, I wish she hadn’t died. I know that had she lived I would not have these blessings in my life but as a wife and mother who loves I wish she hadn’t because the sorrow it has led to in their lives leads to sorrow in me. I am honoured to be entrusted with her girls and to love them in with the depth of love that mirrors their mom but will never be adequate enough and can never replace her. My girls are grown now and have children of their own but they are still two of the most precious things that God has ever brought into my life.
I am a grandmother. My oldest has 3 girls; my youngest a boy and girl. I’m not sure what type of grandmother I am because I don’t so the grandmotherly things with them that so many grandmothers do. With working out-of-town 3 days a week I am often to tired on weekends to do much of anything and I think that some of the richness that life holds is lost because of that. But I love them deeply and I am committed to them. I hope that is something they will be certain about always.
I am a mother-in-law with 2 son-in-laws who have the same name. It can be confusing at times to know who you want when everyone is together but somehow we muddle through this. Both of my son-in-laws are awesome young men who are dedicated to their wives and their children; I am blest to have them in my life. I love them both and I am pretty sure that I don’t act like the stereotypical mother-in-law depicted in the movies and jokes; in no way would I ever want to undermine who they are as men, as husbands, as fathers.
I am the mother of a fur-baby. Mandi is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Her name means “a dog to light up your life”; her breeder named her “Bloomfield You Lite Up My Life”. She has brought much joy in to my life and my husband’s life. Before I travelled out-of-town to work I did a lot of training with her – obedience, rally and agility until her back dictated otherwise. Hopefully one day we will all live together full-time in one place and I will be able to do so again.
A friend; a FB friend. Over the past few years I have become friends with some awesome women (and a few men) on FB. I have laughed with them, worried with them, cried with them and honoured to be a part of their lives however a small a part it is. In return I have learned compassion, courage, strength, patience, how to wait with grace and how to grieve. I have been deeply touched by them and incredibly grateful for their being in my life. I am a richer woman because of it.
And, I am a woman. There are many things I like to do; probably too many as it is easy for me to become bogged so that nothing is finished. I live to cook, sew, knit, crochet, photography, music, cake decorating, crafts. It is easy to become good at many and excellent at none but it is hard to just confine myself to one. I feel deeply but show little; I care deeply but don’t express it enough; I don’t but then again I do. I am a mixture, a work in process. I’m not certain where this blog will go, if anywhere. I have wanted to start one for a while and haven’t done so because I have no idea what to do with it. But, I started one anyway. This will be an adventure in self-exploration and learning; it will be interesting to see what path it will take.